Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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