Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it hurts more in the daytime
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
