brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
