: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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