My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
