i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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