I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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