he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize