well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
