How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
