There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
