we have pet lesbian snakes
It was confusing and full of hummus
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
