i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
