can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
