and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
