You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
