I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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