Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
