new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
