Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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