My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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