he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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