So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
