Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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