We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
