you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
