First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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