When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
