Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
