Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
