stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
