I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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