come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
