I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
