i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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