The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
