i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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