I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
