I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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