I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize