i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
