you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Randomize
