where am i from again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
