I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
