i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
