**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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