I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So much rum. So many feels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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