You just made me feel so damn special
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you win again, gameday.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
