either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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