Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drunk is a universal language darling
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
