Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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