i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
