Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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