Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
