On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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