Your dad touched me again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
