I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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