Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
