please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
