So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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