We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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