Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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