a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
