Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
