I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
