you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize