Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
