My sheets look like a crime scene.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
