My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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