We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
