you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize